If I may be completely honest here, when I am hungry, and not getting fed, I just don’t play well with others, including my hubby. In fact, his favorite nickname for me is “brat”, and I have to admit if the shoe fits, I wear it!
Up until recently, I had been working Saturdays. My husband Gus would always bring me lunch that day as I couldn’t leave work, and it allowed for some “together” time. Pretty nice of him I know…until a sequence of mistakes led me to question his motives.
Here’s what went down:
A few weeks ago on Saturday, Gus stopped by and offered to pick up lunch for me and two of my co-workers. I wrote down everyone’s order for him; two Italian Subs and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me. When he got back, he had my two co-workers sandwiches, his salad, and…oops, no PBJ for me. I was annoyed that he hadn’t checked to make sure that the whole order was in the bag, but that could have happened to anyone. My husband offered to go back to get it, but I said no, so he shared his salad with me (I know…nice guy) and that was that.
The following Saturday, I asked my husband to pick me up a salad, which he did, but the fast food worker forgot to add my dressing and a fork to the bag, add to my distress, there was not ONE fork to be found at my work. Gus felt bad, I again shared his lunch. The next weekend the unthinkable happened, Gus ordered me black beans with my taco instead of refried beans. I was incredulous, doesn’t he know by now, what I like?! I never order the black beans! This was when my inner brat exclaimed: “Next time, my lunch gets messed up, I will assume that you don’t care about me.”
Not long ago, those words would have pushed my hubby’s buttons, and a big fight would have ensued, instead he replied, “you could assume that, but if you checked your heart, you would see that isn’t true.” You see, over time my husband has learned three very important things about me: #1. I am crabby when I’m hungry. #2. I don’t deal well with dashed expectations when (see #1), and #3. When I am upset with him, it is ALWAYS about the relationship.
He reminded me that he was actually trying to do something nice for me by going out of his way to bring and have lunch with me. I knew this was true, just as I knew he wasn’t intentionally trying to annoy me, or starve me. He was just trying to love me. Gus is right…I can be a brat. I can also choose to give my husband a good motive, until proven otherwise. I can also be more appreciative of all he does for me, especially when he doesn’t bite the bait, but deals with the real issue, in this particular case; my fear of not being important to him. A fear never substantiated in twenty years, I should add. By dealing with my underlying fear instead of my snotty tone, Gus soothed me and we avoided an unnecessary argument. I still get crabby when I’m hungry, but I’m making strides over my inner brat, and I actually prefer black beans now!
“It’s God working in you, enabling you both to will and act for His good purpose.” Phil. 2:13
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