Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards…My Man?

If I may be completely honest here, when I am hungry, and not getting fed, I just don’t play well with others, including my hubby.  In fact, his favorite nickname for me is “brat”, and I have to admit if the shoe fits, I wear it!

Up until recently, I had been working Saturdays.  My husband Gus would always bring me lunch that day as I couldn’t leave work, and it allowed for some “together” time.  Pretty nice of him I know…until a sequence of mistakes led me to question his motives.

Here’s what went down:

A few weeks ago on Saturday, Gus stopped by and offered to pick up lunch for me and two of my co-workers.  I wrote down everyone’s order for him; two Italian Subs and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me.  When he got back, he had my two co-workers sandwiches, his salad, and…oops, no PBJ for me.   I was annoyed that he hadn’t checked to make sure that the whole order was in the bag, but that could have happened to anyone.  My husband offered to go back to get it, but I said no, so he shared his salad with me (I know…nice guy) and that was that.

The following Saturday, I asked my husband to pick me up a salad, which he did, but the fast food worker forgot to add my dressing and a fork to the bag, add to my distress, there was not ONE fork to be found at my work.   Gus felt bad, I again shared his lunch.  The next weekend the unthinkable happened, Gus ordered me black beans with my taco instead of refried beans.  I was incredulous, doesn’t he know by now, what I like?!  I never order the black beans!  This was when my inner brat exclaimed:  “Next time, my lunch gets messed up, I will assume that you don’t care about me.”   

Not long ago, those words would have pushed my hubby’s buttons, and a big fight would have ensued, instead he replied, “you could assume that, but if you checked your heart, you would see that isn’t true.”  You see, over time my husband has learned three very important things about me:  #1. I am crabby when I’m hungry.  #2.  I don’t deal well with dashed expectations when (see #1), and #3. When I am upset with him, it is ALWAYS about the relationship.

He reminded me that he was actually trying to do something nice for me by going out of his way to bring and have lunch with me.  I knew this was true, just as I knew he wasn’t intentionally trying to annoy me, or starve me.   He was just trying to love me.  Gus is right…I can be a brat.  I can also choose to give my husband a good motive, until proven otherwise.  I can also be more appreciative of all he does for me, especially when he doesn’t bite the bait, but deals with the real issue, in this particular case; my fear of not being important to him.   A fear never substantiated in twenty years, I should add.  By dealing with my underlying fear instead of my snotty tone, Gus soothed me and we avoided an unnecessary argument.  I still get crabby when I’m hungry, but I’m making strides over my inner brat, and I actually prefer black beans now!

“It’s God working in you, enabling you both to will and act for His good purpose.”  Phil. 2:13

 

WORKING MYSELF OUT OF A JOB: From Maternity to Maturity; an Inside Look at the Empty Nest

As I write this in the comfort of my bedroom, a flurry of activity is happening all over the rest of my house. My husband and youngest son are packing clothes, books, new bedding, basically all the comforts of home, just not this home. My baby...ah I mean my eighteen year old adult son is going away to college; he will be living on campus and be truly on his own for the first time. He’s not moving terribly far away, just far enough that visiting him will take some planning.


I should tell you that this is not my first Rodeo. I have been here before. I have two older adult children; I have experienced the anxiety that goes along with a child moving out. I had to adjust to a child in the military that I got to see once a year if I was lucky. I experienced the joy and finality of watching my daughter marry the man of her dreams. However, I always had my youngest at home. I still had a job to do.

My job description is rapidly changing. I am no longer that entrepreneur who once had a dream, which went like this: Create three fantastic human beings, shape them, mold them, teach them, protect them and provide for them; but most of all love them. The idea being that I would raise them to be capable of living and functioning without my constant presence, trusting them to represent the best of our family.

Now, I am like a CEO. I am no longer needed in the day to day operations in my children’s lives. I am more like a consultant! I think I liked the rat race better. I will miss the battle sound of his video games, the family movie nights, going to church together, and especially the good-night kisses. It’s not going to be the same around this house.

I am going to make it through this transition, I promise you. Here’s a little secret: A mother’s work is never done! Besides, as a consultant I will have a lot more time to focus on my original job: WIFE. If I recall, the benefits that come with that are pretty awesome!

“May he grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your purpose.” Psalm 20:4

Dedication: To Seth, I am and always will be proud of you. God has a plan for your life, have fun discovering it! 
Love,  Mom

KEEPING IT REAL: REAL WOMEN WANT REAL MEN!

I work in a largely male dominated industry. I was recently asked by a couple of guys that I work with: “Why do girls want guys who are sensitive?” I answered: “That may be what ‘girls’ want, but women want men to be men!” My comment was met with high-fives all around.

When I was younger, I used to walk around with a bit of a chip on my shoulder when it came to men. I had a litany of things I thought were “wrong” about them. Granted my personal run in with a few bad eggs had left me embittered and with an eschewed opinion of men.

For example; I had the misconception that men were just “un-evolved women”, that men and women were basically the same but MEN stubbornly refused to share their feelings, see the value in ‘just cuddling’ or shopping for nothing in particular and for no apparent reason.

I also viewed men basically as predators not protectors of women, my personal baggage to be sure. Then something or rather “someone” came into my life and changed my perspective. I met a REAL MAN’S, MAN in Jesus Christ, and he arranged for me to meet my future husband, who changed my perspective on men completely.

First of all he (my future husband) was a nice guy. Not a push over, but a genuinely kind person. He was emotionally healthy, to put it another way; he had dealt with his own stuff. I wasn’t required to fix any fallout from his childhood, previous divorce, etc. He had done all that himself. He treated me then and still does like a smart, capable woman AND a princess and he does it simultaneously.

He is man enough to deal with my occasional (can’t make me happy-no matter what) moods. I can trust him to make good decisions and accept the consequences of his actions good or bad. When he makes a promise, he keeps it. He sets an example for our children and young future husbands. He is the backbone of our family. I also know that he will step into the frontlines of battle without hesitation for us. And in case you haven’t noticed, marriages and families are in a “spiritual battle” these days.

Personally, I think my husband is incredible, but he would tell you that he’s just a regular guy. Just a man. I have learned over the years to appreciate how God wired men to be and why. Clearly our society, our families, our marriages need the presence of “real men”, strong, stable, dependable, faithful and loving men.

You know, “the regular guys”. So appreciate them for the way God designed them, and thank them ladies for being there for you, even if they don’t share their “feelings” often. To be sure they have them…they just care more about yours.