APATHETIC MINUS THE A, IS JUST PATHETIC!

Imagine that a married couple is out sailing in deep waters. The sky has turned from blue to gray, a storm is coming, and they both see it, but fail to turn the boat around and head back to the harbor. Conditions are so bad that they both fall overboard into the sea. The couple is treading, barely keeping their chins above water. God sees their condition and sends them a life preserver, but they choose to let it float on by. They decide to wait for something else, thinking if maybe they wait a little longer, the storm will pass and they can swim to safety on their own. In reality the waves are getting worse. This couple is in danger of drowning and they don’t even realize it.


So often, my husband and I come across couples that remind me of the ones in my story.
They know that their marriage needs attention. In fact many are aware that their marriages are in trouble. And although their relationship is in need of a life preserver, they do nothing. They don’t see that they are swimming in a sea of apathy. And that’s dangerous.

Just so we are all up to date on our vocabulary, as a courtesy I offer you the following definition of Apathetic: Showing little or no emotion or animation, a marked lack of interest, indifferent, dull, frigid, cold blooded, obtuse, half-hearted, tamed, numb, disinterested and detached.

Do you know any marriages like that? Unfortunately, I do. So the question becomes: What is the root cause of apathy in marriage? The answer is simple really: LIFE!
When your focus is more on the daily demands of life such as; work, building wealth, planning for the future, children, and their extra curricular activities, education (the kids or possibly yours) and not your relationship with your spouse, you can become apathetic.

All of the above examples take energy, and require a certain amount of attention. However, it is common for those couples that are not resolving their marital issues, or making the time to invest in their primary relationship, to withdraw or isolate from each other emotionally. They eventually place their time and energy in other things and people. Over time, they develop separate lives. They live together, but they only cross paths to discuss the children, and coordinate their schedules. They look a lot like most couples, but the spark isn’t there, they are just functioning, not thriving. I bet that wasn’t what they had planned, when they first started out.

My husband and I are big on the idea of having an Epic Romance with each other. During our early years as a couple, life threw us every curve ball imaginable. We often felt like the couple in my story, being tossed about in the ocean. There was one little difference though. We took the Life Preserver. We made a decision from the start to put God first in our marriage. Without Him we were just too selfish and headstrong. Left on our own, we could have inflicted some serious damage to our marriage.

Instead, we invested time into our relationship. We continued to ‘date each other,’ making a pact with each other, not to talk about our five children on our dates. We made a game out of how many distractions we could ignore in the name of intimacy. We attended every marriage conference and church offered retreat that was available. We continue to do all these things, because it’s both good for us, and fun too! We put our marriage first, on purpose. We have heard it said, that with the passage of time, romantic love for one another would fade. We won’t settle for that. Neither should you. That would be truly pathetic.


But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6