Not Right or Wrong…Just Different

I am an encourager by nature.  At the car dealership I work for my job entails making customers feel comfortable, and hopeful that we will fix whatever it is that ails their car; and when I am not at my 9 to 5, I am a Life Coach, Pre-Marital Instructor and Marriage Mentor.  I am all about encouraging others…which is curious, because I tend to be hard on myself!

 Don’t get me wrong, I am no Pollyanna.  The skies are never truly blue in my world, and just to make life interesting, my husband is my complete opposite in nature.  He has a perpetual positive outlook on life, so when he once pointed out to me that I am a half-empty cup type of person, I immediately made the counter-point to him (insert snarky tone here), “I’m not half empty, I’m a realist, I see how things really are, I’m not pie-in-the-sky like you!”

I realize that I am speaking to both halves of the human population right now-the pessimists and the optimists.  I have interviewed more couples than I can count over the last eighteen years, most of them preparing to get married, some sadly, considering divorce, and I have found that most of them have one thing in common with other couples; they are opposite from each other in how they view life.  A pessimist (realist!) is often attracted to an optimist and visa-versa.  I find this fascinating.  Could it mean that we need a little more than our own perspective in how we interpret this adventure we call life?

I know that I do.  It took many years of marriage to my husband before I understood that his optimistic nature did not mean that he was un-realistic about things, he was just hopeful and positive.  He wasn’t right or wrong…just different.  In turn, my cheerful husband learned that my perspective in certain instances was based on my own experience.  Not right or wrong…just different. 

Here is an illustration:  I tend to get really bummed out when plans my husband and I have made suddenly go awry.  One night, hubby and I had plans to go to dinner and a movie.  So when he came home from work too late to make it to the show, I protested that I was very disappointed that our night out was ruined; and he responded in his typical optimistic fashion, that we could just chose to do something else that night.  It was my husband’s nature that allowed him to see the silver-lining, whereas, my nature had me focused on the clouds.  We were very frustrated at each other in that moment.  We just didn’t see the situation the same way, so we spent the evening arguing about who was right and who was wrong.   It became clear to us that we needed to learn a better way to communicate around our different natures.

Through the years my husband and I have learned to accept and even accommodate our differences.  For example, my husband has learned that I need a short period of time to grieve a sudden change of plans; therefore, he will now acknowledge my lost expectation- he will even share it, and then we can move on.  For my part, I am no longer annoyed by his positive spin on situations beyond our control. I have learned to value my husband’s silver-lining point of view.  His positive slant is what I need to pull out of the funk I can get myself into sometimes; and, he has discovered that being too close to the forest can make it hard to see the trees. Over the years, my husband has learned that my half-empty (realistic!) take- often merits a second look at the situation. 

  

It is encouraging to know that God made us- he knows us.  Even more encouraging is that as long as we breathe air, he is not done with us.  We are not a project for Him to complete; instead, we are in the process of becoming more like his son. Created in his own image, He put us together in marriage in order to refine us, and make us holy. 

I am exceedingly grateful for the opportunity God has given to my hubby and me to grow as individuals in our marriage.  We used to act incredulous towards each other when we expressed a different point of view, each of us believing that the prism in which we viewed life was right, and the other person- in the wrong, when all along the answer was as simple as- just different.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.  Romans 12:6